On The Last Character and What It Means To Be A Writer…

We’re on the last character, everyone! I just can’t believe it.

Is this really real? Am I dreaming?

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I’m jumping up for joy, because I’m so excited.

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Nicoy contacted me last night and everything turned out just fine. We were able to discuss a lot more things, since my Skype is working now and it was great all around.

There’s still so much work for us to do, but at least we’re getting there. Nicoy drew four amazing sketches of the main character. Slowly but surely, we’ll get it done. Once again, these drawings take time. Thankfully, Nicoy is very talented and was able to get as much as she could drawn. I am very grateful for all the hard work she does.

I had found some beautiful stock images online for her to reference draw; however, I’ve decided to hold them off for a bit longer. I’m thinking of writing a short script with these. But I haven’t figured out what I’m going to write exactly. Something simple and sweet. I just have to make sure that I don’t go too overboard with it. It can’t be very long. Maybe ten pages or less.

Even after we finish the last character sketches, we still have a few characters to go back to. There’s one we have to tweak some more, because I’m curious about how she would look in another form. I’m always thinking ahead of myself. Sometimes, I just have a lot of ideas and I’m always wondering how we can take it a step further. I know nothing will ever be perfect, but we try our best.

If everything goes according to plan and we finish earlier, we may actually get some comic pages out of the way. I’m really looking forward to that. We’ll be trying out different coloring techniques and seeing what methods we can come up with. It’ll be fun and exciting to see all the rough drafts before Nicoy colors them in.

The joy of creating something into existence from out of scratch, from out of nothing (from just an idea) is a wonderful feeling to have. It’s hard to describe it. But it almost feels like I’ve given birth to new life, metaphorically speaking by the way. In the beginning, you struggled with the idea. You wrote it down and thought maybe this could be it.

But then, doubt and uncertainty came to beat you over the head with a stick, like a dead horse. There are days you wonder if this idea, this concept was stupid. If this was really worth your time and effort. Your blood and sweat. Your tears and anger.

The struggle was all too real for you. For years, you carried it with you like a burden. You wrote some notes and chapters, you’ve collected information and did the research. Little by little, you gathered the pieces and put them together, carefully. Ever so neatly. Weeks went by, months, and more years of frustration.

Someone close to you reads your story and tells you it’s shit. They think you’ve lost your damn mind. “You’re crazy!” they say. You start to lose hope. You begin to wavier and the faith you had before is on the edge. Was it just in your head?

Should I just throw it all away? But no, you don’t give up and you continue dreaming. You continue to write it anyway. One person’s opinion isn’t enough to bring you down to your feet. You keep on hoping and praying. You know in your heart this is what you’ve always wanted!

A year or two later, you show it to some friends. You’re afraid of what they might say, but you tell them to be honest anyway. They love it! My God, they want to read more? Then, you realize all along you didn’t surrender, you never gave up hope. You’re more determined than ever before. You keep on going and write some more.

You come across so many obstacles and bumps on the road, like a never-ending roller coaster of emotions. But you write your little heart out. However, one day you get stuck. You’ve lost the path and now you run in circles, confused by which direction to take. There are weeks and months that go by where you’ve written nothing at a time.

Everything is still simmering in your head, but you know the story’s still there. It hasn’t left you. It still calls to you. And then one day, you decide to take that great leap off that cliff. You finish it. You really don’t know what to expect.

Who actually knows what the future will bring? You accomplish your dream and say, “I’m going to publish this story today!” Things are great at first and it seems like a success. But afterwards, even after fulfilling your goal, you still can’t find that place where you belong.

People say you’re a would-be writer. A fraud. A hoax. But you don’t listen to them and continue on your way. Many years go by and you start to hear those same voices again. Even though you distance yourself from the negative ones, you start to doubt yourself even more. Why am I doing this? Why am I still here?

This time things are different now, you’re older and maybe a little wiser… but you’re still back to the beginning. Back to square one, all over again. Depression kicks in and you question if you should continue a profession that has no meaning anymore. You’re not getting any younger. What more could you want?

But deep inside, you know you want something bigger. You keep on trying, you keep on writing. Maybe not as much, but you know how the story ends. You’re going to risk it all, even if it means you’ll lose everything. You’ll keep on fighting. You won’t stop for anyone, until your last breath. Not until it kills you. Not until you’ve finally reached The End!

And that my friend is what it feels like to be a writer.

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Sometimes, it’s a journey you can overcome.

Sometimes, it’s a point of no return…

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