Sometimes, I usually do make the right choices and stick with them, no matter what. As a creative person myself, a writer who’s struggling in these hard times, I have to make important decisions everyday about what needs to be done. Some days are easier than others. And then… there are days when I can’t make up my Goddamn mind.
I guess it could be the perfectionism in me that’s always striving to do better. Working on the graphic novel has been fun with Nicoy and rewarding as well, but there are times when I’m truly obsessed with it. Quality is so important right now, and I really do want to finish it.
However, I need to constantly remind myself that nothing’s going to be perfect the first or second time, even if I check it a million times… I’ve had to literally stop myself and take a break from writing or editing because of this issue. I have to actually train myself to deal with making mistakes. It is a part of life. Some of this perfectionism may also stem from my strict upbringing, where making mistakes is always frowned upon. You couldn’t make mistakes or you’d be severely punished.
No upbringing is perfect for everyone. I don’t blame anyone, since it’s made me the person I am today. Whatever happens from now on, good or bad, there’s always a reason for it. But there are times, when it’s like I can’t even make that one final decision, because I’m afraid of what might happen if I make this choice. Failure is not so easy to overcome. Getting back up and starting all over again takes guts. And it doesn’t happen overnight either.
In my mind, I’m thinking about all these possible scenarios. It sort of helps you to cope if you’ve dealt with negative criticism all your life. I do end up going back and forth over what would be the better option for me in the long run. In the end, I have to learn to decide on one thing and leave it alone forever. It’s the same with my novels. Don’t ever look back or you’ll never move forward.
Is it doubt?
Is it fear or lack of confidence?
Is it the perfectionism?
Or am I just too demanding?
I don’t know how Nicoy puts up with me sometimes… I don’t know how I can put up with me either. Luckily, I’m fortunate enough to be working with someone who is not only a professional but is very patient as well. Nicoy is the best at what she does and she’s always so helpful. Hopefully, things will get better as we go along.
As a creator, I gotta remember to stop doubting myself and just go with the flow. Keep going ahead. Never regret your decisions and always be clear about what you want. It can be difficult for anyone to make such tough decisions, especially in leadership positions. Some people may love being in charge all the time and others don’t. I try to do both.
You have to learn to cooperate with other people and make compromises. Negotiations are a part of the game. Listening to others voice their concerns is a huge thing if you want to accomplish anything and do it well, even if you’re paying someone. It’s still a teamwork effort. Everyone has to do their part.
Now that Nicoy has revised the second book cover and is taking her time with the coloring, we can move on to bigger things. We got two more character illustrations to do and some ads. I have another bill to pay off next month, so we can focus on the shorter scripts. At least with the scripts, it’ll be easier for me to handle, since we’ll be following everything that’s already written down. Which will be great! Thank God.
I’m really looking forward to it, and I’m excited in seeing how the scripts are transformed into a visual novel. That’ll be something. I don’t think we’ll have much problems with those. We’ll be keeping it really simple for now. Simple is so much better.
Anyway, I’ve decided to delete my entire Patreon profile. I had found some disturbing articles about other people’s experiences, especially artists about constant image theft and fraudulent email scams. How people would drop out of paying a donation, and yet they were still able to view and steal artwork from these poor artists who were trying to make a living. Until Patreon can figure this problem out and penalize those who do this, I won’t be wasting my time there any more.
I’ve decided to make my own small business through Paypal. Nothing’s official as of yet and I still haven’t set-up anything permanent, until I go through the pros and cons of this decision. It’ll be a temporary thing. Although I’d love to have a company that sells things, I doubt that I’ll be doing much selling at all. The only site I have some of my items is really Zazzle.com, where anyone can make whatever they want and sell it online.
My store is called WDLady’s Book Mementos Store for anyone curious to check it out. All of the characters from my Nightmarish Reality Series and author’s blog, the two that I published through Createspace, Amazon and Kindle, were drawn by the lovely Nicoy. Don’t know if I’ll still use Zazzle for all things relating to Flash Renegade.
I’d love to have a movie size poster of Flash Renegade herself. 😉 They really do have some great products and they’re all American made. It depends on how I feel. Maybe? Maybe not? We’ll see how everything works out. At least I have that as a little mini store for now.
Thank you for reading!
Have a wonderful week, folks!